THE CARPET DOES MATCH THE DRAPES, BUT IT'S A STRAW RUG

Count on the Germans to get a little freaky with their cheesecake covers. This one claims to be a “party,” but for some reason, they’ve got the nude girl in pigtails standing next to a kiddie ride, so that’s kinda skeezy right there. I mean, at first I thought this might be a hot girl from a late-night Berlin sex club, now I’m wondering if she’s not just some lost soul at Chuck E. Cheese. Oddly enough, the album title, “Husch Husch Ins Heu” roughly translated into English, means “I’m Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC.”

RELAX? EASY FOR YOU TO SAY...

No, no, officer. You don't understand. I just told her to stay here and relax. And the next thing you know...

ACID REFLEX

Does this bother you? Am I buggin' you? I'm not touching you. Not touching you...

NOT TO MENTION WENDY'S MARKETING DEPARTMENT IS SUING

I don’t know if this model was okay with being called “big fat juicy fun,” or with having the two stuffed animals covering her cootch be a pig and an elephant respectively. But a paycheck’s a paycheck, I guess. So tasteless, even Rudy Ray Moore was heard to say “Now that ain’t right.”

WELL THEN RUDY, I HOPE YOU KEPT YOUR RECEIPT

Another artistic triumph from the subtle genius of Rudy Ray Moore, whose previous Shakespearean innuendos included the likes of “Let’s Come Together,” “Cracking Nuts” and the immortal “Aunt Eater.” This one would have you believe it’s about pussy cats, because there are two of 'em on the cover. Don’t believe it for a second. It’s really about vagina. Damn you Rudy Ray, fooled me again!

NOT SO NEW WAVE

Mom, the guys from my Chem Lab are coming over in a half hour, could you, like, put on a shirt or something? And for once could you PLEASE not tell that story about how you banged the bassist from Winger?

IN THAT CASE, I'LL JOIN SANTANA

They're right. Those bongos sure are...er, fascinating. Although she looks none too happy we're taking up a sudden interest in percussion. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a 20-minute drum solo to perform. Move over, Ginger Baker!