No, really, dude, I’m sure she’s interested. In fact, she was just telling me before you came in about how she’s tired of young handsome Johnny Depp lookalikes, and she would blow the next Bobby Darin wannabee who stuck his martini-soaked fingers down her blouse. That’s you, Gramps! Hey, it’s your lucky day!
Look, I’ve been to Graceland, and lemme tell ya, NONE of the people who are into Elvis enough to buy a cutoff tee that says “You Can Vote For President, But Elvis Is My King” look anything CLOSE to THAT. As a matter of fact, Elvis cutoff tees START in XXL. There’s your “Presley Style” right there, folks. And what’s with the Krush Groove style graffiti lettering? Did the record label have ANY clue who listens to Elvis?
The worst buzz kill ever. This one’s got all the ingredients of a good cheesecake cover - hot swimsuit model, topless, major fake tan…but hold on a second! She’s dressed in a diaper, and she’s covering up her breasts with a fucking BABY??? Hey, look, I’m into MILFs as much as the next middle aged guy, but Jesus – how can I possibly get off when she’s HOLDING the fucking kid? Who designed this cover, a gay pedophile?
...because that’s all she can comprehend. Nice beanie. Where’s your drool cup?
‘Cuz there’s nothing funnier than a slow adult dressed like a bumblebee trying to rape a Page 3 girl! So offensive, even Benny Hill shook his head and muttered “Now that’s just juvenile.”
White men in black face lined up giving the Sieg Heil salute? Gratuitous crotch shot in the foreground? Jesus, Marilyn fucking Manson didn’t offend as many people as this old British record cover does! And he really tried! On the plus side, it actually does look like Amos and Andy are trying to push that dancer’s head into the giant camel toe. Now that’s comedy! (And only slightly offensive)
If the term “Broadway” means dressing like Lenny and Squiggy’s wet dream and showing your tit, then yes, I guess this is “going Broadway.”
Shit, where is everybody? This is Max Yasgur’s farm, right? Whaddya mean that was twenty years ago? Says right here on this poster, Woodstock, August 15, 16 and 17th, 1989. What? That’s a six? Awww, fuck! Well, shit man, you got any acid left?
Hey, whaddya think, I’m stupid or somethin’? Cloning the same black girl three times doesn’t make a girl group! Did you really think I was gonna fall for that? Whaddya gonna tell me next, that Iraq was responsible for 9/11? That Jimmy Fallon should host his own late night talk show? That there’s not a serial killer behind that Burger King mask? C’mon, man. I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.
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