HEY BABY, HERE'S A DOLLAR. WELL WHADDYA KNOW, THAT IS MY FACE ON IT!

I like the cover art, don’t get me wrong, but I gotta wonder just what exactly is going on here. Let’s see, there’s a really toned stripper gyrating on the American flag while Harry Truman and Dwight Eisenhower look on. How did YOU celebrate the Fourth of July this year?

HEY, I CAN TELL THOSE CHICKEN BREASTS ARE FAKE!

First of all, it ain’t a rooster. And it’s not atomic. There are also three O’s in “Rooster.” And oh yeah, I almost forgot…uh…the bird’s got TITS!!!! What the hell, man? Is this the work of a talented artist creating a controversial and ambiguous work of art? Or just someone who’d rather be fucking a parrot?

HEAVY METAL DE-CON!

Step Into the Uncertain, no shit. The only thing that is certain in Adrian’s world is that his artist had no formal training whatsoever. Hurry up, Adrian! Collect those ottomans from the giant spider squid so we can create another fancy metallic logo for you that no one can fucking read! Power up, You Level 6 Paladin Heavy Metal Rocker Dude You! Use those boots of escaping! And don’t forget to clean up before Mommy gets home.

NICE CAMEL HUMP

Okay, whose idea was it to put HIM up FRONT?

IT'S REALLY WHAT KEPT THOSE TOWERS ERECT FOR ALL THOSE YEARS

Great. Now I won't be able to visit the Statue of Liberty without getting this image of her as a topless rock goddess. You thought XTC's "Statue of Liberty" was ridiculous - well, leave it to Jonathan King to actually put an image to that madness. Hey, why don’t we replace the statue of Justice blindfolded with a big poster of an oiled-up Lita Ford while we’re at it? Besides, this cover doesn’t even fit the music, to be perfectly honest. I mean, when you think of naked groupies and guitars raised over the head, are you really thinking of Starship, Mr. Mister and Whitney Houston? And are they really “the very best of USA entertainment?” It helps to know that Jonathan King, the man who “presents” this record whatever the fuck that means, is also the man responsible for two things in musical history: 1) the shitty solo hit “Everyone’s Gone to the Moon,” and 2) discovering Genesis, which means he’s directly responsible for “Su-Sussudio.” Therefore, the only thing Jonathan King should be “presenting” is the order for his own execution. Quickly. Before we start getting wet dreams about the Mona Lisa.

I'VE GOT AN EVEN BIGGER HAT HANGING ON THE WALL, BABY

Sancho Panza’s bitch. Shake those maracas, baby. Real Mexicans have wood paneling, apparently.