INSANE CLOWN PUSSY

Nothing says PARTAY like a depressed suicidal drunken hot jester playing out the last notes of her life alone on a piece of shit piano, right? I think they took the adjective “crazy” a little too literally here. In other words, “This sure is a crazy cocktail party, isn’t it,” means “This sure is a cocktail party with a lot of suicidal mental patients dressing up like court jesters and stabbing at the guests with plastic forks, isn’t it?” They even tried to cheer up this little Harley Quinn by coyly separating the words COCK and TAIL. She giggled a little, then promptly slit both her wrists with a hors d’oeuvre toothpick. And three guys dressed like mages still banged her.

MAKES TWO GIRLS AND A CUP LOOK LIKE THE TELETUBBIES

Speaking of Tuetonic pop sensation HEINO (see last entry), I found this curious photograph of him on the back of a live album, where he's seen playing acoustic guitar in a suit he won on Ebay from Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere and the Raiders to a bunch of cute little Mongolian children or something. Looks pretty sweet at first. Not at all unsettling, like the other Heino album covers. But then, you zoom in on the kids a little bit...zoom in just a little bit more...and suddenly...GAAAKKKKK! What the FUCK is THAT?!!!???

DER GUBERMENSCH

For those who don’t know, which means everyone who didn’t grow up in Munich, Heino was an androgynous semi-albino Aryan Mummenschantz member and pop singer who had pet poodles, loved his mother and wore dark glasses because his eyes didn’t align properly. And, in a country that puts David Hasselhoff in the Top Forty, that's a recipe for pop stardom!

I ALWAYS KNEW THE DEVIL WOULD LOOK LIKE BRUCE WILLIS

It's like someone just told them the funniest fucking joke on the planet. "Ich habe ein Hund ohne eine Nase." "Oh? Wie riecht es?" "Schlecht!" (Thanks to Monty Python for that one). Seriously, though, this album cover is clearly the work of the Devil. Literally. He's sitting on the barstool dressed like August's Electrolux Salesman of the Month award winner, forcing these pitiful humans to laugh until they die - check out the guy at the lower right, already dead. Don't believe me? Check out Satan's cigarette. That's right, he's smoking a cigarette, and it's nowhere NEAR HIS FUCKING MOUTH! It's HOVERING IN MIDAIR! So go ahead, boys and girls, keep looking for signs of Satan on the inside covers of your Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath albums. Turns out he's been hanging out with Count Basie all along.