STARRING CHRIS FARLEY AS "TER"

I don’t know what’s worse. Having to wear Abba’s hand-me-downs on the cover of your album, or having to promote yourself by scrawling your band name on your bare chests. Especially if your band name sounds like Stuttering John introducing “Under the Boardwalk.” Oh wait, I know what’s worse. Being fat enough to be the guy with three fucking letters.

FINISH YOUR BRUSSEL SPROUTS OR THIS HORSE GETS IT

Hey boys, come on in and make yourself at home! I made some chocolate chip cookies, and there’s a dee-licious shoo fly pie comin’ out of the oven if you can wait about twenty minutes. Tell you what, you boys stay here and watch TV. I gotta go out and put down a horse and then shoot a couple of whores who put the moves on Paw last weekend at the bingo hall. And remember, shoes off the coffee table!

GATOR BAIT

Why, Donny, why? Why, when the Devil asked you what you’d give up for a nice cabin on a peaceful lake, all the solitude you could ask for, and cooler sideburns than Brit McKenzie and Neil Young combined, why did you have to respond with, “Oh, I don’t know…my spinal cord?”

DRINK UP, MR. DUBROW, OR SLEEP WITH THE FISHES

In keeping with Don LeBeaux’s album title “A Part Of Me,” a part of me thinks he might be trying to woo some Italian princess with his suave demeanor, his love of the Vino, his fancy Bedazzled dress shirt, and enough solid gold jewelry to set off the metal detector at Studio 54. But another part of me is more realistic, and thinks what this album cover REALLY shows is Don shaking down some poor sap with a mullet. And if that sap don’t get the 50 grand to Don by next Tuesday, then his little sister’s gonna be eatin’ Italian for a week. If ya know what I mean.

I DIDN'T KNOW MADONNA FOUGHT IN WORLD WAR 2

Well now, two entries ago I made a big fuss over the amateur artwork of Deerhoof, and then along comes this artistic epileptic fit that would make even Kiss Army members laugh. This one’s so bad it kinda speaks for itself, and making fun of it is like making fun of Charlie Sheen – why even bother? Lemme just say this - I ain’t no psychologist, but I’m pretty sure someone here has some breast-feeding issues. Spinal Tap had four of the best improv comedians working on it and even they couldn't come up with a fucking tit tank like this. I just pray to God that they incorporate this album cover into their stage shows. I am so there.