HOTTEST CHICK AT THE PAINTBALL FINALS

So damn sexy, just the sight of her made Tinky Winky and Po explode.

Richie Allen Orchestra, Stranger From Durango

NORMAN BATES GETS LUCKY

It’s important to note that it’s not “Psych-E-delic” music here, it’s “Psych-O-Delic,” with the emphasis on “Psycho.” Which I guess means that this hip young Norman Bates wannabee’s gonna pop in an Electric Prunes 8-track before he stabs this comely young minx with a dull butter knife. “Mother? Oh God, Mother! Blood! Blood! Blood Sweat and Tears!”

Pierre Henry, PsychoDelic Music (Mexico Philips EP)

IS THERE NOTHING MICHAEL PHELPS WON'T DO FOR A BUCK?

We’re pretty sure Lewis Carroll was on acid, or at least absinthe, when he wrote the original ALICE IN WONDERLAND, but what the fuck was the guy who dreamed up THIS thing on? Jesus, even Hanna-Barbera would have trouble coming up with something this messed up. Makes LIDSVILLE look like Cirque du Soleil. Followed one year later by ALICE THROUGH THE LEMONGRASS, a play set entirely in a giant bowl of Thai soup.

Alice in Waterland, Music From the Underwater Revue

HE WAS A TIGER IN BED. NO, REALLY.

Animal cruelty folks might not appreciate this old South American cover, but c’mon, do you REALLY think this little senorita subdued, killed and flattened this tiger with her own bare hands? And if she did, how much did she charge to watch? I get the double entendre because, well, I went to third grade too, but I can’t help thinking – if I can’t donate my body to science after I die, how do I sign up for something like this instead?

Various Artists, Musica Poderosa Volume 4

RING THIS

How could this NOT be great? Shang-a-lang shang-a-lang. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNN. Ram-a-lam-a Rama-lama. UHNNNNGGGGGGGGGG. Shoop shoop. YOU RANG? (Crowd goes wild) Fuck you, John Astin. You don’t see the kids doing The Gomez, do ya?

Ted Cassidy, The Lurch 7" single

AND HE SINGS EVEN LOUDER WHEN YOU TOUCH HIS BAT

When Mr. Bat isn’t singing, he’s bagging groceries at the local Piggly Wiggly and telling all the high school girls how “pure” their hair smells. In his stage act, he’s finally perfected his patented stabbing motion, shown here on the cover of his album. And if you look closer, you can see that Mr. Bat's right hand is actually a cloven hoof, but those who know him won't be surprised. It’s also rumored that if you touch the notes on Mr. Bat’s costume, they will play the corresponding notes on the scale, but when you get to G-Sharp, well, the less said about that, the better.

Mr. Bat and Mrs. L.E. Tweten, Mr. Bat Sings

GREAT, 'CUZ I'VE GOT CHOOD

She's got this speech impediment, see, where all her "w"s come out as "ch" instead. I know, it's a little cheered. But I hear she's child in bed.

Chet Baker with Bobby Jaspar, I Get Chet