YOU KNOW, LIKE THE STUFF THAS HASN'T GROWN ON THEIR BALLS YET

You're kidding me, right? I know you boys all like Kiss, and you've been members of the fucking Kiss Army since 1976, but you can't all be Peter Criss. And I mean, I ain't sayin' Kiss was Satanic or anything, but to an eight-year-old, all that blood pouring out of Gene Simmons' mouth can be a little bit scary. On the other hand, who the hell is this guy gonna scare?

And ignoring for a second the fact that the cover artist completely fucked up this dude's left arm, does anyone else get the feeling that this guy'd rather be singing Judy Garland tunes than old 70's glam pop?

I mean, the ratio of Satanic songs ("Sorcery") to songs of questionable sexual orientation ("Love Me The Way I Am", "Let's Get Funky", "River Queen" and "Goin' Down (the Road)") is an uncomfortable 1:4 ratio there, boys. It's like someone took Kiss, zapped 'em with an Infant-O-Ray, and forced 'em to watch the Food Network for six months. C'mon, kids, that's not what "Lick It Up" was about.

FURR, FURR, 1977 LP